So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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