Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
