you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
