Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
