ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just cropdusted the office
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
