I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
