You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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