I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
