I'm lost and stupid without you.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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