it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
