Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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