He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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