He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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