He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize