Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
