I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
