I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
