she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
