Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
