And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
