So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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