Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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