I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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