My hand turned me down
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
