Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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