she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
