Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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