Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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