i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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