i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
