Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
