nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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