if only i could text you this smell
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
