Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
