yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
The air taste purple.
Randomize
