he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
