apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
