She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
