Pants 0. Shit 1.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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