Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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