Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
