I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
