If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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