So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
