the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
