I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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