I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
