Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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