looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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