I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
