I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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