theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He shit in the fireplace
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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